I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
