my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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