I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
