i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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