I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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