i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
