question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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