who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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