i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
