Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
