It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
