why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
