I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
