Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
