just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm at about main and main street
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
