i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
