I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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