Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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