Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
