coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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