How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
