I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize