dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
