ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
