I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
