woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
