Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
