Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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