fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
