after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
