Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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