I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
