I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize