im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
