I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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