I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You pole danced in your parka.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
