Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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