I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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