Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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