HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
