That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
