dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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