i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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