there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
