Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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