Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
