when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
wow bdsm is so cute
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