Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
