Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
