you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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