Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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