Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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