evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
