oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
