Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
