it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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