I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
