the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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