i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
