Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
