nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
