That's intense
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
