I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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