Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize