i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We talked him into tasing himself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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